Are You Working Yourself Out of a Life Worth Living?
“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” -William Penn
Somewhere along the way, in the battle between productivity vs fulfillment, we became programmed to put productivity over fulfillment.
When my mom was still alive, especially in her last year, she used to say to me that nothing would make her happier than for me to just stop by for even 15 minutes a day or every other day. I lived less than 10 minutes away, so it was very fair request. Deep down, I wanted to spend that time with her yet my behaviors didn’t match my desire. Instead, I always found myself too busy to go over there except for our weekly family dinner.
If I had just thought about it a little bit, I could have stopped by in the mornings briefly before I even started my work day. Alternatively, I could have driven over (5 minute drive) after dinner at home with my wife. I just didn’t think about it that way because just like my dad, I reflexively thought I was too busy or that there was something work-related I should be doing instead. She eventually passed away and missed my chance to do better.
The other day my father said he wasn’t feeling well as he was wrapping up his work day. I suggested, “how about you take a nap after work to see if your headache goes away.” He replied, “No, I think I’ll just go to the laundromat and take care of my laundry right after work so that I can be done with that.”
The next day, towards the end of his work day, he shared he wasn’t feeling well again. I suggested, “why don’t you come over and let us cook you dinner while you play with Sofia (granddaughter)?” Quickly he replied, “No, I think I’ll just stay home and rest up a bit to see if I feel better.”
Both days, he felt about the same, but when it came to a chore, he was quicker to accept that challenge versus accepting an invite to have dinner cooked for him and spend an evening with his granddaughter. Given how much he loves spending time with Sofia, I know he doesn’t actually prefer laundry to spending time with her and yet his reflex was to choose productivity over fulfillment.
This mentality plays out in many other situations.
It’s Friday afternoon and you’re wrapping up a long and tiring week and your friend asks you to meet up for drinks or dinner. You say no because you’re obviously tired. Thirty minutes later, your boss asks if you can stay late and work on something for her and you say yes without hesitation.
It’s Tuesday morning and you’re working from home. On your calendar, you have the task of working on an article you’ve been wanting to write and publish for some time. You finally have a couple of hours to dedicate to it and before you know it, you’re working on chores at home instead.
It’s Wednesday evening and you just got home from work and your 3 year old girl wants to play with you. You automatically rationalize that you’re tired and you should rest or run some errands when future you would absolutely have preferred to spend that quality time with your kid before she got older and only wants to hang out with her friends.
The examples go on and on.
Learning to Put Productivity over Fulfillment
Once upon a time when you were young you chose family, friends, and fulfilling goals over tasks, chores, work, etc. Someone actually had to twist your arm into doing the chores before you could do the fun or fulfilling thing.
At school we were told we need to do the hard work first so that we can later enjoy the rewards.
In our finances, we are told to save your money today so that you can retire with a lot of money.
Sacrifice now, so that you can reap rewards later.
And there’s nothing wrong with working hard or making worthwhile sacrifices in the present.
Work First and then Work Some More
The problem is that somewhere along the way, we forgot how to reap the rewards at all. We became so good at working and being productive first that we forgot how to stop and celebrate and enjoy the spoils.
So now we work first and then work some more. We set goals, achieve them, and then double the goal and get back to work.
It’s become so ingrained in us that we feel guilty stepping away from our work to play with our kids, spend time with family, sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee, go for a walk without listening to a podcast or audiobook, tend to our health, etc.
It’s almost as if we have trained ourselves out of our ability to experience enjoyment, rewards, and pleasure.
In Ecclesiastes, chapter 6, the Bible discusses this problem of working hard but not taking time to enjoy the fruit of that labor.
“All the toil of man is for his mouth, yet his appetite is not satisfied.”
We work hard and somehow cannot find any satisfaction or fulfillment in it. We work and don’t celebrate.
Ecclesiastes 6 also suggests that the things we tend to pursue are fleeting or meaningless. We work endlessly, over things that ultimately don’t yield any real satisfaction or fulfillment. Hence, our appetite is not satisfied. In the New King James Version of the Bible, it replaces appetite with “soul.” Thus, our soul is never satisfied. All that work and no meaningful satisfaction.
And even when we are blessed with gifts from God, we do not know how to appreciate or enjoy them. If we have kids, we think that they are annoying to spend time with. If we have parents, we think they nag us too much. If we are single, we cannot accept the gift of quiet and solitude in that moment of our lives. If we have high salaries, we just keep putting it away or spending it on things that don’t fill our cup.
So even when we have the best gifts God could give us, we don’t know how to appreciate or enjoy them. We find them annoying or distracting from our work or career ambitions.
Essentially, this chapter warns us not to fall for this trap. To learn how to find enjoyment in the gifts we do have whether they be living parents, many kids, a good salary, a special partner, solitude, etc.
Our work should enable us to fulfill our hearts and do what matters to us. It doesn’t even mean we have to love our work. Maybe our work is not our passion, but if it can enable our passion and purpose, then at the very least we should stop to enjoy it.
However, we’ve programmed ourselves to find it difficult to stop working and do those things that satisfy our souls.
How to Put Fulfillment Over Productivity
The only way to rewire ourselves back to our original programming is to pick fulfillment first from time to time. We need to fully go against the grain we’ve set for so long. It’s not even enough to simply remember to celebrate. We need to occasionally take an advance on celebrating, enjoying the fulfilling activity or reward first.
If you’ve saved up beyond an emergency fund and maxed out your tax-advantaged retirement accounts, then take any additional savings and do something that matters to you with it. Don’t hoard it or pursue ever increasing savings goals. Without the ability to experience enjoyment, we will pursue meaningless things without end.
Your $100,000 savings goal will become $500K, then $1MM, then $10MM, and beyond. And for what? What will this ultimately do for us? At best, it will let us say we are millionaires, but that is fleeting, that is meaningless. That fills your mouth but it does not satisfy your appetite.
In order to break this vicious cycle, from time to time, we need to play hard first and then work hard.
And the good news is that the work will always be there.
However, your friends, family, and health may not be. If neglected enough, they will deteriorate whereas work will either wait for you or new work will take the place of old work.
I have no doubt you’ve been blessed with some good friends (even if not as many as you’d like) and dear family members. Maybe you have kids or grandkids. Perhaps your parents are still alive and healthy.
When your time comes, you won’t even remember what you worked on, but you’ll remember who you didn’t spend time. You’ll forget the projects and even the work victories, but in that moment, you’ll remember very clearly who you didn’t spend time with when you chose work.
On the positive side, you’ll also remember all those special moments you did spend with dear friends and family. The moments when you gave of yourself and made a lasting impact on others.
Set yourself up for true success in the future by practicing how to put fulfillment first. And slowly begin creating a better balance between sacrifice and reward.
Sacrifice isn’t worth it if you don’t make time to enjoy life.
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